Do you ever feel like your marriage is missing something? Like you struggle to communicate or connect, or feel like you are just getting by?
You may be missing this one thing in your relationship.
Fun!
Fun has the power to break down walls, create memories, generate laughter, and release endorphins.
Fun has the power to build a deep and lasting relationship, to help you connect in a new way, and learn to communicate on a different level.
When you take time away from your job, your kids, your housework- just the pressure of daily life- to connect with your spouse, so much can change!
Fun can come in a variety of ways; in the tone of your home, or how you interact, but the best way to set aside dedicated time for fun is to have a date night.
This week, I've invited some friends to share the difference that fun makes in their relationship. They are amazing at setting aside dedicated time to have fun with each other, and go out on dates. I even got them to share their favourite date night ideas (if you want to just scroll down to the end!)
(highlights are my emphasis as a counsellor)
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Q: How long have you been married?
A: It was 10 years this past September. We got married pretty young, Crystal was 22 and AJ was 25.
Q: How old are your kids?
A: We have two energetic boys who will be 6 and 2 this year.
Q: Do you both work outside the home?
A: Yes, we both have full-time jobs. AJ works from home but also travels fairly often, sometimes one or two nights and a couple times a year for a week at a time.
Q: Why do you make time for date night?
A: First, we genuinely like spending time with each other. That time to have fun and laugh and talk and eat is something I always look forward to. Now that we have kids, it’s definitely something we have to plan for and schedule to make it happen. I not only crave that time alone with AJ, but also need the break from being mommy and daddy all the time.
Q: What have dates done for your marriage?
A: I think dating your spouse helps to keep the fun and romance of pre-marriage alive. There’s something special about getting out together alone with no other purpose than to enjoy each other’s company. And we’re busy - with work, kids, chores, volunteering - but we have decided that dates are just a non-negotiable for us. Being great parents and dating your spouse are not mutually exclusive, in fact, I would suggest dating your spouse can make you a better parent.
Q: What happens when you start to go a long time without connecting on a date?
A:The longer you wait, the easier it is to wait longer. You get busy, you need to push something off and sometimes date night is the first to go. But you can start to feel disconnected and maybe even a bit insecure in your relationship. Those small investments of time make a big difference. We still don’t get out as often as we’d like, usually it’s about once a month, two or three times is a really great month. And we make sure that we get an overnight getaway at least once a year. Sometimes that looks like one night after a concert or sporting event. I really believe those overnights are important and we make it a priority, even if it is just one night.
Q: What role do you think fun plays in marriage?
A: I think having fun with your spouse sets the tone of your relationship. It’s not all going to be fun, but when you have that foundation of enjoying each other, it can help you get through the frustrations of life and parenthood and even have some laughs through it all.
Q: What challenges do you face getting out on dates? Where do your kids go?
A: I think most of us would agree that the challenge about date night is almost never about not wanting to go out, but actually making it happen. Scheduling can be tough between work, kids activities, sports and AJ’s commitments as a volunteer firefighter. It means we have to plan ahead, sometimes a month or two out. We are incredibly lucky because both of our parents are within about an hour drive and babysit for us often. I realize many people don’t have that luxury. We have also hired a babysitter that we know and trust or do a babysitting swap with friends where we watch their kids so they can go out and they do the same. The point is, you need to decide that date night is something that’s important to you both and then make sure it happens, whatever it might look like in your situation.
Q: Why should people make date night a priority?
A: Life is short, but marriage can feel awfully long if you’re not enjoying being married. It’s so easy to get wrapped up in life that you become almost like really efficient roommates. Date night is not going to single-handedly give you an amazing marriage, but it can help with communication, intimacy, friendship and just helping you enjoy life and this person that you’ve chosen as your partner.
Q: What are some of your favourite activities?
A: While we go to the occasional movie, both AJ and I prefer dates that feel a bit more meaningful. We do spend some of our evenings binge-watching a show or catching up on Survivor. Those are nice in-betweens, but I don’t consider them dates (although we have had some really interesting conversations after shows).
And of course, date night isn’t cheap. We save up restaurant gift cards and Scene points. There are also a lot of cheap or at-home date nights that are no less fun, but a lot less expensive.
CHECK OUT CRYSTAL & AJ's DATE NIGHT SUGGESTIONS HERE
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Whether it is date nights, vacations, or just fun around your house, your marriage is meant to be enjoyed. So let loose and have some fun; you may be surprised how much it changes the tone of your entire relationship.
So how about it? Think you can get out on a date this month?
We would love to hear from you! Have a date that's your favourite, or a way to inject some fun into your marriage? Would love it if you'd leave a comment below!